When I was a child I was given unto pain and fear.
None of it was my fault, but none-the-less, I existed in a perpetual state of fear and was fed pain, as the standard meal of the day.
When I was older I took on the responsibility of perpetuating the terrifying existence and administering the pain to myself and every body around me.
It became my passion and my work and I was good at it. The amount of pain I could create was absolutely outstanding and the amount I could endure unfathomable by most; all without drawing any blood whatsoever.
I am amazing. I have love for all, but myself.
I wish not for any body to be in pain and if I could take it all away, I would but when it comes to who I am, I cannot cease the torturous efforts and look for someone to blame.
I blamed God, but now I know it is Man.
My biggest fears are Joy and Peace, for if I was to be of these realms and then someone was to take this away from me, I would not be able to endure this type of pain.
So “I” exist as a what and sow what I reap.
“I” feel as thought the pain and misery is the only “LIFE” line, to which I can be a part of and feel as though, no one can take that away from me.
When all you have is one self and it is of pain and fear, then to take on another life line would destroy all that I have accomplished, through pain and suffering.
I thought <GOD> wanted me to die, but then showed me I was not alive and this intensified my pain and fear. Then he showed me Man, who “IS” our creator and inhabitant and explained to “me” what happened and I found that the what, was me!
This brought me more pain, fear and misery and “I” said to myself; “wow, <GOD> is better at this than “I AM”, even better at it than “Man”!
Then I tried to die, realized I was already dead and came “TO BE” of the conclusion, that if <GOD> does not want “ME” dead, then <GOD> must want “ME” a “LIVE”.
Then “I” thought to one “self”, if “I AM” not <ALIVE>, then “I” must not have been born yet and all of this pain and fear can only be a result of <GOD’s> Love for “us”.
“I” must be born and the pain and misery “I” have endured, must be the labor of <GOD> and absolutely critical to my birth.
God does not want me dead, so <GOD> must want me a “LIVE”.
Maybe I will give up my pain, fear and misery in lieu of a birth; my birth!
How can I live without being born? How can I be born without any pain or fear?